Luck of the Draw

I know I haven't posted lately but I really needed to take the time for myself to figure out my feelings. I have expressed my concerns with the clinic before but they really reinforced my feelings during the transfer. I hate to compare this to my other experiences because all doctors are not the same. I did not agree with their procedure and the doctor was somewhat cold. I felt more like a number than a person. I bet no one in that office knows my name without looking at my chart. The last time it was a small office and they all knew who I was. This is a big change. As most of you know the transfer last month did not work. The intended parents and I both struggled with it. We both had doubts about moving on but with support from our friends and family we decided to try again. I really hope that it happens this time as I am sure they are too. If it doesn't happen this time I guess we both have some major soul searching to do to figure out if this is the right thing to do again. Maybe things will be a little different this time (I hope!). We will be starting the medications again soon so wish me luck!

Transfer

I had my transfer a few days ago now. All of the clinics do things different and this has not changed. All of their procedures were not at all the same as the previous clinics. It was different but I hope that it all works out for the best. I am very hopeful that things will go the way they are supposed to. I take a blood test the day before Thanksgiving to see if it took or not. I know that is not definitive because the first two times I had what they called chemical pregnancies. My body was producing the hormones but I wasn't really pregnant. I just have to wait and see.

Skype

I got to Skype with my current intended parents yesterday and the twins and their parents today! We cleared up all of the stuff with one versus two embryos and though they are not getting what they wanted we are at peace with the decisions made.That does not mean we are all happy about it. It is what it is and we don't have many options open to us right now. We are just hoping for at least one healthy baby. Seeing the twins this close to my transfer just reminded me what a great experience this can be! They are both walking and babbling. I am remembering what a great gift I have to give. I still have my worries that it won't take but I know it can. I have to just have faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to.

Questions

Recently I was asked by the intended parents how many embryo's we were going to transfer, well in the beginning she expressed wanting to do two because she would really like to have twins. I agreed that I was OK with doing two since I had carried twins before I think I could handle it again. However the doctors at the clinic we are going to does not like to do more than one at a time. The risks are lower and if it splits you only have twins whereas if you do two and they both split then you have quads. I get the risks and it also goes up with me having a second set of multiples. The mother expressed really wanting twins so they said as long as both parties understand the risks they would be willing to do two. Today I emailed the clinic to see how many they planned on transferring she said just one that the doctor communicated with the parents and they agreed to one and signed a paper to that effect. I am just really confused now. Did the doctor convince them to reduce the number by exaggerating the risks? Did they use the language barrier to their advantage? Did they threaten not to do it if she didn't agree? I really don't think that anyone would do this and hope that it is just my mind coming up with reasons. Maybe the doctor told them the risks and they agreed to one because they know that less complications could occur and they were more likely to have one healthy baby. The chance of having two sick babies or something happening to me might have been a deciding factor. I am not upset we are only doing one. I know it will be easier for me to handle with just one. I just want to be sure that this is really what the parents want and they are not being coerced into something they don't really want. I just want them to have a healthy child or children whatever is meant to be. I am not sure and don't want to think the worst of the situation so I am going to believe in the best until I can talk to the parents to determine their reasoning.

Booked

Well we are two weeks from transfer and it is all coming together! We have the hotel and flights booked and now we wait. It is exciting to be this far in the process finally! We have been working at this for a long time. There is more work involved now since we moved than there was before. Now we can't just shuffle the boys between friends and family so we can go to DC. I am lucky enough that I have wonderful family and my father in law has agreed to come to Tennessee to spend a few days with the boys! Without him doing that I would have had to go by myself for the transfer. I was not looking forward to that at all. But things have a way of working out! I am so glad that I have been blessed enough to be able to do this. Now the only thing left to do is to worry about the outcome (not too much of course). The last time I did a frozen embryo transfer it did not work. I know things have changed from when those were frozen compared to the ones we are using this time. Also different doctors and better technology even in the last few years.I know that I have no problem getting pregnant in the right circumstances so we just have to hope that this is right! I know deep down that what is meant to be will be!

Originally I was told by the fertility clinic that the medication process from start to transfer is approximately 6 weeks, however the time line is a little shortened. With this process I am being monitored at a local clinic. I did this with my first match but the last one the doctor preferred to do the monitoring himself so I took a few more trips to DC. With the first one I lived in Ohio and we found one close to there so this time I had to find one close to here. We found one in Nashville, which is an hour drive, that I have the monitoring done at. I started my medications just over a week ago so I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work done this week. We had a little stress setting it up though. First they said I had to make my appointment before nine am so they could guarantee same day results to the clinic in DC. I don't mind the early appointment except the fact that Trevor gets on the bus at 8:10am and it is an hour drive. So they said that I could come in at 9:30 for them. Then it was a hassle getting payment set up prior to my appointment. I also had communication issues with the parents due to the fact that my Viber app on my phone and my computer where two different accounts with two different #'s so I wasn't getting their messages and they tried to call but it was my old cell # and someone else has it now. After all that my appointment went well and I got a schedule for the transfer. I will be taking a trip to DC November 11th for the transfer now we just have to figure out if I am going by myself or not and who is going with me or staying with the kids. Though it is not ideal if I have to go by myself I will fly in in the morning and fly out that evening. But if I have someone with me then I will probably stay overnight and come home the next afternoon. If I am by myself I don't want to stay because there will be noone there to take care of me and I can come home so John can do it. Time will tell!

Here we go!

I am now on the beginning fertility process! I am doing a shot and some medications now. I don't have a date because of the fact that after my cycle starts they have to do baseline ultrasound and blood work to determine that the medications will be having the desired effect. There have been a lot of little bumps in this road but we are now going on the right path. I am sure more things will be coming up. The distance can make some things more difficult and also the language barrier can slow things down. It will all work out that I am sure.

Ready set go!!!

Everyone has signed the contracts and we are ready to start the process! I am excited to start it but not looking forward to at least one shot a day for the next 2 months or so. They aren't that bad but they can be a literal pain in the ass. As soon as I start the medication it will be approximately a 6 week process of taking medicines and getting my body ready to accept the embryos. With my calculations we should be doing a transfer in November sometime. This is exciting to think about! I have been worried about timing because I can not leave the area after like 28 weeks and my niece is getting married next October so I want to make sure I can be there for that! With the schedule we have now I should be great. I also wanted to make sure I am healed enough to enjoy the party! I am so ready to get this show on the road I will keep you all informed! Thanks for reading!

Time passes by

So we are now moved and I am getting settled in a new place. The surrogacy process has taken a bit longer than we originally expected also. I finally signed all of the paperwork today so hopefully we start the fertility process soon. It has been a long road to get here but now we are down to the nitty gritty. I really can't wait to get this show on the road. I think we have put all the issues to rest but you never know what might come up. Hopefully things go as planned so we can do the transfer by November. I would like to get it done prior to the cold weather and also the holiday's. We are on our way!

Moving on and Moving up

So as most of you know my family and I have decided to move to Tennessee! It is scary and exciting all at the same time. I truly know we are doing what is best for our family. I am still continuing my surrogacy journey. There have already been some issues come up. Tennessee is a surrogate friendly state however they have some laws that are not conducive to my situation. Apparently my name would have to be on the birth certificate along with the fathers since they are using an egg donor. The mother would have to do a step parent adoption with the baby or babies. If they lived in TN it would be a different situation but this is what it is with us. So in trying to come up with a solution we discussed the possibility of me coming back to Ohio to deliver and staying with family. The only problem with that is leaving John at home with the kids and with his new job he will be working till 10pm so that is not possible. Then I told her one of the places we are looking is actually about 15 minutes from Kentucky. She got excited and looked into it and said that will actually work! So now I will find a doctor and deliver in KY to avoid the legal issues. I will have to work with a new lawyer to work out the details but it will all work out fine. I am anxious to get the process started and I know in my heart it will all turn out great! Thanks for reading!

I am cleared health wise to do the surrogacy, however the contract is taking a bit longer than expected. It has to be translated and if that is difficult enough there are legal words in there that make it harder to translate. Once that is in place we will begin the process. We are also moving in the middle of all this so it will be jam packed with everything going on. I have a lot to figure out but hopefully by the end of September I am pregnant. Now we wait!

Stuff

I have so much stuff going on right now! Next week I should be getting my last Chicken Pox vaccine and after that we can start the fertility process. We have to have a contract in place before that can happen though, and due to some extenuating circumstances that may take longer than expected. I know the parents are trying to be very patient but they did not expect it to take this long. They so want it to happen and so do I. I know that taking the time will be what helps make this a success even though I want to give it to them now. I believe that it is all happening this way for a reason whether my body needs the time or we as people just need it. It will happen for us but there are always bumps in the road and they will make the experience better for everyone involved I truly believe that.

Unique

Each experience is unique and there are different things done every time. That being said today I had my last pretest done and it was an HSG where they did X-rays with contrast to check and make sure my tubes are clear. How do they get the contrast in there you ask well they insert a catheter into your uterus so yes it is done vaginally. Why does it matter if my tubes are clear or not I am not releasing an egg but apparently it is proven that if they are clogged it can effect your chances of achieving pregnancy. All things I did not know. I also got the results of my blood tests back. They have discovered that I am not immune to the Chicken Pox! I find this funny because I had them when I was a child and also when I went to nursing school since I had no proof of having them I had to get the vaccine for it. Well that was 7 years ago and I am told the vaccine can wear off! I did not know that all vaccines were not permanent. So the doctor will be making the final decision but if I have to get the shot again you get the first one then wait 30-60 days before getting the second one. Then you have to wait 30 days before the transfer can happen because it is a live virus. This may push the transfer date out even more. I have a million things going on right now and this just adds to the list. It's all good though I thrive on being occupied and am not really that stressed over it I guess we will see how that goes!

Appointment

Well I had my first appointment last week with all my pretesting. It went well for the most part. The doctor talked to me about my history and did a physical exam. He even complimented the doctor who did my c-section saying he could barely tell where the incision was made on the uterus. He said everything looks good! He did express concern in transferring two embryos and explained all the risks but said as long as we all understand and agree to it he would transfer two. Well next I went to see the psychologist, which is the same one I saw the last time, and she did her evaluation. Last time she told the parents that they should not transfer two that it would be unfair to the kids but never questioned me about it. This time she tried to persuade me against it. She was saying "What if one splits and it ends up being triplets? And if that happens would you do selective reduction?" I told her if that was the case I might want to do selective reduction but it would have to be an informed decision between the parents, my husband, and I. After much discussion she said I am going to put in my report that you want selective reduction if they split. I really got frustrated about it because if it happens we have to know all the options for one thing if we selectively reduce it could cause a miscarriage and all of the babies would be gone.I felt as if she did not agree with transferring two and she was going to say whatever she could to get me to not do that. After all that I got a timeline and we are probably looking at a transfer in late August early September. It is not as soon as the parents were wanting but we need to make sure the timing is right so we have the best possible chance for it to work.

A lot on my mind

In my house we are considering a lot of life changes! I am not only doing surrogacy again but there are other things simmering here right now. I don't want to discuss it all yet but most of you probably know what I am talking about. So me being the person I am, I am trying to tackle three boys, baseball, doctors, surrogacy, and a few other things all at once. It is a little stressful but I am handling it as best I can. I think I would be more stressed if I was letting someone else handle it all! I am running in circles and sometimes fear I might drown but with the support of all my friends and family (especially my husband!) I know I will stay afloat. Soon everything will calm down and everything will be how it should be. Just wish me lots of luck on my journeys I am on. Again Thanks to all those who have been supportive!

Rant

Sorry for the rant in my last entry! I found out they are good but the coordinator was out of the office last week and that is why she didn't contact me. So far she seems to be really nice and good at her job. We now have a plan in place in about 3 weeks I will be going to DC for my pretesting! I am excited to get this started! I will have a full day of things going on so we can fit it all in one trip. Once this trip is done just wait for results, legalities, and timing for my body then we will be under way. I know it will not be the June transfer that we hoped for but it will be happening hopefully in July. I can't say for sure because we all know that things can come up and change the plans we have laid out. I am sure the time will be good for my body. I know how impatient one could get during this process but I actually have not been that yet with everything else I had going on this month. It will set in and I will eagerly await the day of the transfer. We are set in motion and I really am ecstatic!

Fears

I have so much going on in my house right now it is crazy busy! I love this time but it can be very stressful also. When I started this process again I asked the agency if I could work with the same fertility clinic again because they were great. This clinic is smaller where everyone in there knew me and my situation. The very first time I was with a larger clinic and felt like I was just a number and my concerns sometimes went to the wayside. Not that I wasn't important but they were just dealing with so many people that I was one in many. Unfortunately the agency did not have anyone working with them at this time so I agreed to consider  another clinic. I am glad I was matched with the intended parents that I am I just wish they were working with another clinic. So far my experience with the clinic is minimal but they want my BMI lower, which I understand, but I did get pregnant at the same weight I am now the last time. Also I got them all of my records for review almost three weeks ago and still have not heard from them. This shouldn't have taken that long and also there are some tests they want to do during a day in my cycle that just passed so now if they want to do those tests we have to wait a whole month for that. The parents hoped to do the transfer in June but now it might not happen till July or maybe even August. My biggest peeve when it comes to this is communication and with the bigger clinics they are so busy you don't always get the communication that you want so I guess we will have to see how this turns out.

Waiting

The waiting is the hardest part of all this I do remember it from the last time. This time though has not been as bad partially because I know the process and also because this just happens to be at a very busy time of year. The last time this waiting was in November so not much going on then. This time we have two baseball teams, a DC trip for Toby, the end of school stuff I am helping with, and after all that a trip to Iowa to see my nephew graduate high school. So like I said very busy. The parents and I are communicating and I know this wait is hard for them but soon things will start to move at warp speed and hopefully before you know it they will have one or two babies to hold. We are now waiting on the clinic and contracts. They finally have all my records so I should hear from them next week. This is so exciting I can not wait! I know in my hear that I am doing the right thing and with the right family. We will get there but waiting is a killer!

For my intended parents I will translate this for you!

A espera é a pior parte de tudo isso eu me lembro da última vez. Desta vez porém não foi tão mau parcialmente porque eu sei que o processo e também porque isso só acontece de ser uma época muito ocupada do ano. A última vez que esta espera foi em novembro não tanto acontecendo então. Desta vez que temos dois times de beisebol, uma viagem de DC para Toby, a fim de coisas da escola estou ajudando com e depois de tudo o que uma viagem de Iowa para ver meu sobrinho pós ensino médio. Então como eu disse muito ocupado. Os pais e estão se comunicando e sei esperar é difícil para eles, mas logo as coisas começarão a se mover em velocidade de dobra e espero que antes que você perceba eles terão um ou dois bebês para segurar. Agora estamos esperando na clínica e contratos. Finalmente, eles têm todos os meus registros deveria ouvi-los na próxima semana. Isso é tão emocionante, que eu não posso esperar! Eu sei em meu ouvir que eu estou fazendo a coisa certa e com a família certa. Nós chegaremos lá, mas a espera é um assassino!

Skype

I had a Skype with a potential set of parents today! This one was a little different they are also international but they don't really speak English so she had her sister translate for her. I am very excited we are officially matched and will be starting the whole process. Soon I will be in contact with the clinic and we will start a schedule. The contracts will be signed and we will go do all the testing. I really can't wait. This couple has one child and wants more! The doctors said they don't normally do two embryo's because they don't want to have twins. But they really want to do two and really want twins. The doctor told them that they will do two as long as the surrogate agrees to it. I said I am on board with that I didn't mind having twins and would so do it again. We will see what happens but we agreed on transferring two and possibly have twins. Only time will tell but we are on the path.

Another step closer

We are finally able to set up a call to see if the intended parents the agency picked and I are a match. I have to wait a week but we are heading in the right direction. I am so excited! If we both agree it is a good match then we will begin the process. It is the first step and very important this might be the beginning of another family. I am so blessed to be able to be a part of this! I really can't believe that I have to power to help someone do something this important. I feel like aside from my husband and kids this is truly what I was meant to do. I look at the family that I already helped come to fruition and am amazed that I was a part of that wonderful miracle. I will be humbled to be able to do this again and bring that joy to someone else. If you have children you know how much they mean to you. Surrogacy is me helping someone else achieve that when they wouldn't otherwise ever know that feeling. This in an amazing thing and I am so happy to be a part of it!

6 months

The twins are officially 6 months old today! I can't believe it has been half a year already! I am now beginning the matching process again. I have a question at what age do you quit trying for kids? Just curious what others opinions are because I certainly have my own but of course there is no right answer is there? Also should surrogacy have a language barrier? If you have only one chance that is a long shot should you take it? These are questions I have to consider throughout the match process. There are a lot of specifics that I haven't thought of before but are now coming up. I don't want to turn down anyone because I want to help everyone to have what I have. I just have to figure out where the line is between making them happy and making myself happy. There is a lot to think about and decisions I must make I wish it was easy but the good things never are. I guess I am left to ponder my choices hopefully I make the right ones.

Rant

I have to rant for a minute, I looked up surrogacy to see what type of stories are out there about surrogacy. I was sorely disappointed in what I found! I watched an abc news video that just made me so angry. One part had a women who was conceived via surrogacy and she felt like her birth mother just sold her off that her main motivation must have been the money. Another felt as though she sold her baby after delivery. In both cases they were traditional surrogates where the surrogate used her own eggs and that is not what I did but it is offensive to hear this being brought down that way. There is a woman who totally disagrees with everything that it stands for. I am upset and hurt by the way it is being portrayed. I know not every experience is the same but mine was wonderful! Things like this being put out there is exactly why some people that want to do it won't because they only hear about the bad and don't want that to happen to them, which is understandable. However they may be missing out on the best experience of their lives. Also I did not get paid any more than I would have if I would have worked a full time job. The payment really just helped for me to stay home while I was pregnant with the babies. It did help us to do some things in our home that might not have been done otherwise but if I started working we would have eventually made it happen. I stand by my decision to do surrogacy and am excited to be blessed in doing it again. END RANT!

New things

I am getting more and more excited about starting this process again. It has been 5 months since delivery and I have to wait another 4 before doing IVF but the beginning process can take some time so we will be starting that soon! I love meeting people and talking about my journey with them so much that my intended parents and I are going to write a book. There is so many questions regarding surrogacy that are mostly unanswered and likely some people that want to do it but don't know how to begin. When you google it you usually don't get any good stories but mostly the bad ones. I know there are some bad experiences out there but there are some great ones also so if you just have an open mind when considering it you may have the best experience of your life. I am excited for new things that are going on in my life and can't wait to update you again!

Again!!

I know it has only been 4 months since my last journey ended but I am so excited to start the process again. Soon we will begin the matching. From what I have been told they like to wait 9 months post c-section to do IVF. So if we start it now when we are ready for that it will be time. Some may think that I am crazy for doing it again so soon but I really can't wait to get started. I want to help as many people as I can. I also like being pregnant (as uncomfortable as it can be!). I will keep you all updated!