Doing good

As I prepared to write this I reread what I wrote just a mere two weeks ago and I can not believe what was there. I just can't fathom that I could have written something that I would look at later and it would help me find my way and make important decisions in my life now. On a different note I went to the doctor and he said I am healing well and everything went pretty text book. He said he sees no reason for me not to do it again. Now I have a very personal decision to make, though I have time, those who know me know I don't like internal turmoil. I hesitate to put it out there because the people involved may read this and take it the wrong way but I really need to just write it down and maybe, along with everyone's advice, I can sort it all out in my head. When I started this process I really wanted to help as many people as I could. Well the last family I worked with wants me to do this again for them at least once and possibly twice more. Here is the dilemma it would be easy to do it with the same people again because we have a rapport and a relationship. However would that be cheating someone else that hasn't been able to have even one child out of their dream? Not that I begrudge the original family of more children but I am not sure if I can help them again knowing they have 2 healthy children and there are others out there that really want just one. I also don't want to upset anyone or damage the relationship we have now. So the question is do I take the easy route and help them again or do I help someone else realize their dream. I think I know which way I am leaning but I am curious to see what others think about it. As always I appreciate all of the love and support from my friends and family!

Delivery Date

This will be my last blog before delivery in two days! I am very excited. This time the process has been so much different than the last. I really thought doing it the second time would make it easier instead it taught me that every situation is nothing alike. This journey has had many ups and downs and has showed me even more about myself and what my wants will be when I do this again. Each time something happens good or bad it makes you see the possibilities and helps you see the dream. I love being able to do this and will always have respect for all the people who can't and the ones who will see my journey as a little push do what makes them happy. I really wish I could reach out and do this for everyone that has problems having children but I know being one person I can only do what I can do. I know I say I am going to do this one more time but you never know. The doctor recommends no more than 4 cesareans so I might just do it as many as he deems safe. This experience really enriches my family along with the families I am working with. I hope my children see how important it is to do what you can to help others. I also hope to inspire other people to help in any way you can. I know surrogacy is not for everyone but there is so much more you can do to make someones life just a little better. Final words: Look at the bigger picture and if you can make a small part of that just a tad brighter be brave enough to do it! Love you all!

9 Days!

So I went to the doctor yesterday and he decided since the baby's heart rate and my BP were good we should just wait on the c-section. We are going to give her as much development time as we can. I am still having some contractions but still nothing that would produce any results. I am exhausted and uncomfortable. I only have 9 days left and they are sure to be the longest days of my life but in the end they are all worth it. I really can't wait to see the miracle that I helped create!

Big baby

I went to my normal appointment yesterday. The doctor checked the heart rate and it was all good. He then measured my abdomen, I am 36 weeks 3 days, and he looks at me perplexed. He said does the baby feel big to you? How to answer that question because we have discussed my concerns on her size on several occasions. I said yes she feels big compared to my boys. The biggest baby I delivered was 7lbs 8oz. He proceeded to say that I am measuring full term. He asked how long until the c-section and I told him 17 days. At this time I can tell his mind is turning and he is really thinking about it. Now the size isn't as big of a deal when you are getting a cesarean but there are still other risks like preterm labor, and just getting the baby out of the incision. He finally decides that I should come in next week and he will check me out then possibly send me for an ultrasound. After all that he may schedule the surgery for sooner than planned. They can't do it before 37 and a half weeks without medical necessity so we are just waiting to see. I had to kick my butt into gear and pack my bag. I am ready when ever she is.

Almost there!

Well it has been a while and so much has happened. This pregnancy is kicking me in the butt! I am very exhausted all the time and uncomfortable. This baby is on the big side and she is very active so my belly is moving all the time. Sometimes it can be painful but it is worth it. Well a week and a half ago I started having contractions they weren't regular or frequent but I went to be checked out just in case. They checked the baby, she was good, and then checked to see if they had made any change to my cervix, which luckily they had not. My cervix is still closed and high so he just told me keep an eye on them and if they become frequent or stronger to come back in. So crisis averted. Well this week I went to step off my porch and landed wrong. I sprained my ankle but no major damage. Those who know me well know how graceful I am so this should not surprise you at all. Today I am 36 weeks pregnant and beginning my 9th month of pregnancy. In exactly three weeks I am scheduled for a c-section and I really am ready this time. I think I will do this one more time, I know it will be hard but I can't stop thinking about how hard it must be for those who can not have their own children. Thanks for reading!

Getting There

I had an appointment today and everything is good! She has a steady heart beat and is very, very active. The doctor confirmed she is indeed breech and measuring a little big but nothing he is concerned about. We have the c-section scheduled and ready to go. I can't believe that I have just over 5 weeks left! This pregnancy has went really fast! After much consideration we have decided we will likely do this at least one more time. I just can't help myself I really want to give everyone the chance at a family but I know I am only one person so that is impossible. However, I will do as much as I can. This is the exciting and nerve wracking part. The parents are so excited and will be leaving their country soon to travel to the US. I hope she holds out till the scheduled day!

Doctors

So I went to my appointment today and finally met the doctor that will be doing my c-section. He informed me that there is risk if I go into labor before time but delivering vaginally, if I have to, may not be that big of a concern. It is so funny to see the differences in people the doctor is a gentleman about 50-60 years old, whereas the nurse midwife is a woman 30-40 years old. They are total opposites in the way they view things. I discussed with him the importance of getting a date set sooner rather than later so the parents can plan their trip. He said well lets look at the calendar. I am on call on the 28th (which is the date I am 39 weeks) and I usually schedule surgeries on my on call days. So let's just put you on the schedule for that day. So there you have it in 8.5 weeks I will be undergoing my c-section.

Results

I had my appointment yesterday and got the results for the 3 hour glucose test. I am officially not gestational diabetic! You have to be out of range for at least two of the four tests to be positive and I had only one out of range. That is exciting for me even though I would have taken the steps and made sure it wasn't a problem, I am glad I don't have to. I also made an appointment for the non-medical ultrasound. The parents have yet to hear the baby's heart beat. Every ultrasound I got they gave me pictures of it and even DVD's of it but no sound. They reassured me that we will definitely get it recorded and they will be able to actually hear it! It is also 4d so they should be able to clearly see the baby and all of her features. I am so excited for that! I will finally meet the doctor at my next visit, I have been seeing the Midwife but she obviously will not be doing the c-section. I can't believe I am almost 29 weeks so that only leaves about 10 weeks left to go. This pregnancy has went so fast!

Appointment

I had an appointment this week and it was the gestational diabetes test. At this doctor they give you the drink and you drink it before your appointment then they prick your finger after an hour to check your glucose levels. I know that offices do this but I have always had to go to the lab for the test. Well I failed the one hour test and now have to go back for the three hour. I hate this test because between the fasting and the sugar I usually get dizzy and hot and feel like I am going to pass out so I have to lay down. I know that once you have had gestational diabetes your risk for it reoccurring in subsequent pregnancies is raised. Hopefully this turns out like my first pregnancy and it is fine. Also they determined I am slightly anemic which means iron supplements for me. Anyone who has taken iron know what kind of havoc they can reek on your bowels and since I have IBS that makes the side effects really fun. Then they found white blood cells in my urine which translates into a urinary tract infection. So now I started the iron and antibiotics and have to go Monday for the three hour test. Not the best visit I have had but it really could have been so much worse. On a positive note I am already up to my two week appointments.

heat!

Well it has been really hot here lately. Over 100 with the humidity for more than a whole week. I pretty much have hibernated and not left the house very often. Other than that things have been well. This baby is very active! I joke that she is almost as active as the twins combined! I am feeling good with no issues. I am nervous because next week I go and do the gestational diabetes test. I hope that the twins was just because of there being two and not a trend. I am doing a lot of considering lately on whether or not I should be a surrogate again. There are many pros and cons and it will be a hard decision when it actually comes down to it. I have been told that the doctors don't like to do more than 3 c-sections and with this one it will be two so if I do it one more time then I will be done for sure. I guess we will see!

Appointment

So I had my appointment and everything is good! No problems came up and all is well with the baby. And after all the discussion of C-section vs. VBAC it doesn't matter at all. After she spoke with someone else they no longer do natural birth after cesarean at that hospital and for good reason. The policy now is that if you don't have an anesthesiologist on staff 24/7 then they can not allow it to happen. The reason for that is that if I go in there in labor on their off time, even being on call it could be half hour before they get there, and my uterus ruptures I could be dead before they make it in there. So it really doesn't matter if we wanted to try it or not it can't happen. Scheduled C-section for me and I am OK with it. The recovery may be rough but there will be less stress all around. Next appointment I will get an ultrasound to so stay tuned!

Frustration!

I am very frustrated right now! This surrogacy process has been riddled with problems this time. Just about every thing that could go wrong has. The parents are great! But I am just getting annoyed with the agency. I know these are things that may not be any fault of theirs but it doesn't make it easier to deal with. Here is my problem (this time!) I get paid a predetermined amount according to the contract and it starts at 8 weeks and continues every four weeks until delivery then I get the rest of the agreed upon amount. At 8 weeks I asked if they could send it early because we had a trip planned they said we can schedule it to be delivered on the day you are eight weeks but not before. I said great we didn't plan on leaving till the following day so it worked out good. Well that was a Friday and it didn't arrive that day or the next. It came on the following Monday. That was frustrating but as we all know the postal service is unpredictable. The next check came exactly 4 weeks later. Of course this means I would expect the next one four weeks after that. Monday or Tuesday it didn't come so I emailed the agency to see if they could check on it to see when it was sent out. She told me it was sent out Monday but it comes once a month so it won't be on the same day every time. I knew the contract said four weeks not a month, I know it is not a big difference but those of you who know me know that I am very particular and a big time planner so I need to know the exact date of each check so I can budget accordingly. When I told her that she looked into it and decided I was right (was there really any doubt) they would mail them every four weeks and sent me the scheduled mailing dates. Well again it was just a few days difference but to me a big deal, they scheduled to mail them 3 days after my weeks change. When in reality they were supposed to send them on the day the weeks turn which is Friday not the Monday dates they are now sending them. When I asked why they changed it the response was they are just going by the last one they sent and sending them every 4 weeks consecutively to that. Well that just screwed my previous budget to hell and back! I was expecting them to come on the day they are actually sending them out so now I have to adjust and change everything. This is not things that should be done to a pregnant woman. Needless to say I was thinking about whether or not to do this again with my age and multiple c-sections. Now I have to consider if I want to stay with the same agency again or find a new one. I am just very annoyed right now thanks for reading my venting.

Delivery decisions

I know I haven't wrote in a while but that is a good thing! So far this has been pretty much a normal pregnancy. I can definitely tell the difference between a boy and girl now. The boys I was sick but not 24/7 and I would throw up and feel better, for a while at least, but with this girl I am nauseous all the time but have only puked twice. Unfortunately when I was pregnant the other four times I took Zofran for it but now they say it can cause birth defects so I can not take it so I have to live with it. I am almost 15 weeks and the stomach rolling is still there and with the boys it was gone with the first trimester. Now my biggest dilemma is the delivery decision. The first 3 times I had a vaginal delivery but as most of you know with the twins I had a c-section. The midwife I saw said after looking at the incision she thinks we could try a VBAC ( for those of you who don't know that is a Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). My worry is my circumstances first of all I have only went into natural labor once and after c-section they do not do inductions at all so I would have to go into labor on my own. That being said I have a few worries about doing that first of all the hospital is 45 minutes away so I am afraid I won't make it and inadvertently deliver in Tennessee which would not be good. There is also the circumstance that John works an hour away so it could be almost two hours before we could make it to the hospital. Also the boys are a concern since they will be in school and we don't have the family down here to lean on for help with them. So I am not sure what we would be doing with them if I went to the hospital unplanned. With a cesarean the recovery is rough but being able to plan it and have everything in place is very desirable. But it is more expensive and since we are doing it all out of pocket that may be a factor. It would also ensure that I deliver in Kentucky and not Tennessee. I am still discussing this with parents, agency and doctors but I am leaning towards a c-section. Right now we don't know but we will come to a decision soon!   

Insurance sucks!

So since my last post so much has been going on. After confirming pregnancy I decided that I needed to look up the hospital and doctors on my insurance plan so I can have a clear view of where I needed to go. Well I went to the website and typed in Kentucky Hospital. I got 0 results that came up so I tried specific cities and still nothing. When we purchased the policy it was rough to find one with a hospital that was in network and in Kentucky since that is where I need to deliver. This one seemed so perfect because when she put in my address the hospital that came up was there. Well I decided there must be something up with the website so I called the number on my card. The woman on the phone worked with me and searched for a hospital any where in the state. She couldn't find anything either and concluded they must not carry any policies in Kentucky therefore there is no coverage in that state. Of course I relayed all the information to my agency so they could check it out. What they found out, through the broker who helped us purchase the policy, is that after we got it the network for the company changed. Apparently they are allowed to do this with no notice. So now we have the dilemma of insurance that will cover my OB here in network but the hospital and OB in Kentucky would be out of network therefore costing almost as much as it would without insurance and they would have to pay a monthly premium. Needless to say now our plans have had to change again. We are still making them but I will no longer see the doctor here in Clarksville instead I will see one in Hopkinsville KY. So they can get one price for a doctor and not try to deal with two separate places. In the mean time I had my first appointment here, with a doctor I probably won't see again. They told me that a VBAC is not an option at all so I would need a repeat cesarean. In Ohio my OB told me if I waited a year between pregnancies they would try it if that is what I wanted. That is not the case here but we will have to see what the new doctor says about it. I was really wanting to try to deliver vaginally. In vaginal the labor is long and hard but the recovery is so much easier. With C-section the delivery is planned, which I love, but is rough and recovery really sucks. I will go with whatever the doctor thinks is safest but I wanted to at least consider both options not just be told that it will be a cesarean. I am 9 1/2 weeks now so almost out of the first trimester. My body is already starting to change. I am due in November so happy Thanksgiving!

Heartbeat

Today I had an ultrasound appointment to confirm the heartbeat. The fetus is growing right on track and has a heart rate of 122. Last time I went John was worried because the amniotic sac was normal sized but the baby was barely registering because it was so small. I said that is normal size I was only 6 weeks along. This week he understood, it was much bigger. It had tripled in size in just one week. I told him normally you don't get ultrasounds this early so you don't see the process. On a side note I get all my monitoring done at a fertility clinic in Nashville and there is always a lot of people in there. Today it seemed like so many couples. Well I saw two women very upset and it broke my heart. I do not know what upset them it could have been many different things but it made me really sad to see it. I really wanted to help each and every one of them in any way that I could. I almost told them all I would carry their babies if they needed me to. I hate seeing people having to go through that and that is exactly why I do what I do.

OMG

So yesterday I had a horrible scare! When I went to the bathroom I had some blood then some spotting for a few hours then it stopped. But the first bit of blood I freaked out thinking that I was miscarrying. When I contacted the clinic she said just relax and put my feet up that it may not be anything. Of course deep down I knew this because I bled with the twins and with my youngest child both and they are all completely healthy. So I went to my ultrasound appointment this morning and we were able to see the baby! We couldn't quite capture the heartbeat yet but I go back for that next week. This is so exciting! Everything looks good on ultrasound so there is no reason for concern. I did feel like I had to tell the mom about the spotting and she was so worried about it. I tried to reassure her but I am sure it was very scary thinking that they might lose this precious gift. Luckily I got to tell her good news today and she was so happy to hear it. I may be doing the work now but emotionally this process can be trying for all involved. It is still early and things may still happen but we are thinking positive and looking towards the future.

Good News

So last week I went for my blood test and the first one was over 800. They want it to double in 2 days and my next one was 1983! So I am definitely pregnant but it is still early. I need to go this week for an ultrasound. I am very excited to be pregnant again! I have had a lot of other stuff going on too. I looked up my insurance policy to see if I could find the hospital and a doctor for me however I couldn't find any in network hospitals in Kentucky at all. That is a problem because with the laws I need to deliver there. So we are in the midst of trying to figure this out since we were assured in the beginning that it would be covered in this insurance plan. Also Trevor broke his arm so we had a lot going on with that. There is so much more happening that I will not bore you with. I am just hoping all goes well and I get to deliver another healthy baby!

Positive vibes

Well I had the transfer and it went well. We only had one small issue on this trip. You know it is not a real trip if something doesn't happen. John and I had the worst rental car experience. DO NOT ever rent from Advantage. When we picked up the car they give you a paper and you have to go over the car yourself then when you leave the lot they don't even check it. Then I noticed the car was unclean there was trash on the floor and stuff in the glove box that clearly belonged to one of the previous renters. So we turn it in almost 20 minutes before the allotted time and there is no one in the lot to check you in so we went inside. She told us just leave the keys and we will send a receipt by email. A few hours later I got the invoice and it was $20 more than it was supposed to be. After looking at it they checked it in 1 hour and 2 minutes after the allotted time so they charged $10 per hour over. They actually counted the 2 minutes as 1 hour. This was the worst experience ever and I will never rent from them again! Anyways I have spent the last week relaxing and trying to keep calm to give this embryo every chance I can. It seems to be going well and no bleeding so I am cautiously optimistic. I have a blood test next week and need positive vibes for a good result. Thank you so much to all of my faithful readers.

Transfer

After many delays we finally have a transfer date! Now another issue popped up and my new insurance does not cover surrogacy at all. I had been trying to get the coverage booklet from John's work and finally got it but with the exclusion I would have to be signed up for a policy to cover it by Sunday. So it is a rush to get all of it into place. There is so much going on with this sometimes I get frustrated but I know it will all work out the way it is supposed to. I have to take a breath and believe that it will or else I will lose my mind. I am just going to focus on the transfer date and making sure that everything works out the way it is supposed to. I am letting go of all the stress and trying to just enjoy the experience.