Luck of the Draw

I know I haven't posted lately but I really needed to take the time for myself to figure out my feelings. I have expressed my concerns with the clinic before but they really reinforced my feelings during the transfer. I hate to compare this to my other experiences because all doctors are not the same. I did not agree with their procedure and the doctor was somewhat cold. I felt more like a number than a person. I bet no one in that office knows my name without looking at my chart. The last time it was a small office and they all knew who I was. This is a big change. As most of you know the transfer last month did not work. The intended parents and I both struggled with it. We both had doubts about moving on but with support from our friends and family we decided to try again. I really hope that it happens this time as I am sure they are too. If it doesn't happen this time I guess we both have some major soul searching to do to figure out if this is the right thing to do again. Maybe things will be a little different this time (I hope!). We will be starting the medications again soon so wish me luck!

Transfer

I had my transfer a few days ago now. All of the clinics do things different and this has not changed. All of their procedures were not at all the same as the previous clinics. It was different but I hope that it all works out for the best. I am very hopeful that things will go the way they are supposed to. I take a blood test the day before Thanksgiving to see if it took or not. I know that is not definitive because the first two times I had what they called chemical pregnancies. My body was producing the hormones but I wasn't really pregnant. I just have to wait and see.

Skype

I got to Skype with my current intended parents yesterday and the twins and their parents today! We cleared up all of the stuff with one versus two embryos and though they are not getting what they wanted we are at peace with the decisions made.That does not mean we are all happy about it. It is what it is and we don't have many options open to us right now. We are just hoping for at least one healthy baby. Seeing the twins this close to my transfer just reminded me what a great experience this can be! They are both walking and babbling. I am remembering what a great gift I have to give. I still have my worries that it won't take but I know it can. I have to just have faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to.

Questions

Recently I was asked by the intended parents how many embryo's we were going to transfer, well in the beginning she expressed wanting to do two because she would really like to have twins. I agreed that I was OK with doing two since I had carried twins before I think I could handle it again. However the doctors at the clinic we are going to does not like to do more than one at a time. The risks are lower and if it splits you only have twins whereas if you do two and they both split then you have quads. I get the risks and it also goes up with me having a second set of multiples. The mother expressed really wanting twins so they said as long as both parties understand the risks they would be willing to do two. Today I emailed the clinic to see how many they planned on transferring she said just one that the doctor communicated with the parents and they agreed to one and signed a paper to that effect. I am just really confused now. Did the doctor convince them to reduce the number by exaggerating the risks? Did they use the language barrier to their advantage? Did they threaten not to do it if she didn't agree? I really don't think that anyone would do this and hope that it is just my mind coming up with reasons. Maybe the doctor told them the risks and they agreed to one because they know that less complications could occur and they were more likely to have one healthy baby. The chance of having two sick babies or something happening to me might have been a deciding factor. I am not upset we are only doing one. I know it will be easier for me to handle with just one. I just want to be sure that this is really what the parents want and they are not being coerced into something they don't really want. I just want them to have a healthy child or children whatever is meant to be. I am not sure and don't want to think the worst of the situation so I am going to believe in the best until I can talk to the parents to determine their reasoning.

Booked

Well we are two weeks from transfer and it is all coming together! We have the hotel and flights booked and now we wait. It is exciting to be this far in the process finally! We have been working at this for a long time. There is more work involved now since we moved than there was before. Now we can't just shuffle the boys between friends and family so we can go to DC. I am lucky enough that I have wonderful family and my father in law has agreed to come to Tennessee to spend a few days with the boys! Without him doing that I would have had to go by myself for the transfer. I was not looking forward to that at all. But things have a way of working out! I am so glad that I have been blessed enough to be able to do this. Now the only thing left to do is to worry about the outcome (not too much of course). The last time I did a frozen embryo transfer it did not work. I know things have changed from when those were frozen compared to the ones we are using this time. Also different doctors and better technology even in the last few years.I know that I have no problem getting pregnant in the right circumstances so we just have to hope that this is right! I know deep down that what is meant to be will be!

Originally I was told by the fertility clinic that the medication process from start to transfer is approximately 6 weeks, however the time line is a little shortened. With this process I am being monitored at a local clinic. I did this with my first match but the last one the doctor preferred to do the monitoring himself so I took a few more trips to DC. With the first one I lived in Ohio and we found one close to there so this time I had to find one close to here. We found one in Nashville, which is an hour drive, that I have the monitoring done at. I started my medications just over a week ago so I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work done this week. We had a little stress setting it up though. First they said I had to make my appointment before nine am so they could guarantee same day results to the clinic in DC. I don't mind the early appointment except the fact that Trevor gets on the bus at 8:10am and it is an hour drive. So they said that I could come in at 9:30 for them. Then it was a hassle getting payment set up prior to my appointment. I also had communication issues with the parents due to the fact that my Viber app on my phone and my computer where two different accounts with two different #'s so I wasn't getting their messages and they tried to call but it was my old cell # and someone else has it now. After all that my appointment went well and I got a schedule for the transfer. I will be taking a trip to DC November 11th for the transfer now we just have to figure out if I am going by myself or not and who is going with me or staying with the kids. Though it is not ideal if I have to go by myself I will fly in in the morning and fly out that evening. But if I have someone with me then I will probably stay overnight and come home the next afternoon. If I am by myself I don't want to stay because there will be noone there to take care of me and I can come home so John can do it. Time will tell!

Here we go!

I am now on the beginning fertility process! I am doing a shot and some medications now. I don't have a date because of the fact that after my cycle starts they have to do baseline ultrasound and blood work to determine that the medications will be having the desired effect. There have been a lot of little bumps in this road but we are now going on the right path. I am sure more things will be coming up. The distance can make some things more difficult and also the language barrier can slow things down. It will all work out that I am sure.